A Healing Community starts with one wanting to be in it. It begins with the individual waking up to the notion that they are not only an individual but part of the whole. We speak of this in spiritual terms often: We are ONE. We are all part of the infinite and the divinity of creation. We are all aspects of the Universe.
That is both wonderful and true.
We are also human beings in physical form, and it is not just a beautiful thought that we are all in this together.
We are all humans in this life together.
How we take care of ourselves, what we are willing to learn, and how we are eager to show up for each other emotionally and in visible deeds matter. We don’t live without a community. I have talents that someone else does not have, and they have skills I do not possess.
There are all kinds of communities. Families are related through ancestry, chosen families, camps, villages, towns, townships, cities, states, countries, continents, and the world. There are clubs, places of business and career, spiritual and religious communities, and those that form when there is a need or a talent to be expressed through craft clubs, non-profit and service organizations, places of learning, and places that take care of the community infrastructure and managing policy and laws.
We may belong to various communities and rely on some more than others. We even have online communities now, where people may share interests, find support in many categories, and exchange with people all over the planet.
We get into trouble with the community when we start to feel and act as if our community is somehow more important or correct than another community. In all communities, except the communities of our youth that our adult caregivers chose, we see ourselves or a part of ourselves in the group.
We need to ask ourselves whether we fit into the group or if we belong to the group. Brené Brown, a well-known researcher and author, has spoken extensively about fitting in versus belonging. According to her insights, Fitting in is about trying to adapt ourselves to be accepted by others. It’s a form of self-betrayal where we change who we are to make others like us. Conversely, belonging is being part of something bigger but having the courage to stand alone and belong to yourself above all else. It doesn’t require us to change who we are but to be who we are.
Brown emphasizes that fitting in can be the most significant barrier to belonging. When we fit in, we ask, “What do I need to be for you to accept me?” Conversely, belonging asks, "This is who I am; can I be accepted for that?". She believes belonging is a more authentic experience because it gives us a sense of security, knowing we are valued for our true selves.
Her work encourages us to embrace our individuality and find connections based on our authentic selves rather than conforming to others' expectations. This distinction between fitting in and belonging is crucial for personal growth and forming genuine relationships.
Are we willing to allow people to be themselves as part of our community? Do people BELONG? Or are they being asked to do certain things and be a certain way, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, etc?
That doesn't mean that communities do not need standards and expression of their purpose or a line in the sand regarding choices. For example, We may understand that a person has notions of carrying out murder. Perhaps they are fascinated by the process, hear voices, or believe in an entity requiring sacrifices. The community may recognize their right to have such fantasies, thoughts, or worship. Still, for the good and safety of other’s well-being, the community has a standard of ‘no murder’ without severe consequence.
This seems like a straightforward and perhaps even ‘common sense’ illustration. Yet, it is one that we, as communities, revisit frequently. At one time, and in some places now, murdering someone because of a perceived slight, or even murdering one’s kin because of life choices, is still seen as acceptable behavior by a part of the population.
As we learn more and experience more as a community, we grow, adapt, and level up, as it were, to what is best for all seven billion humans on the planet: their well-being, their hopes, wishes, dreams, and expression of talents. We get closer and closer to the realization in the physical that cooperation is necessary in the Oneness of Design as much as we understand and feel it as a spiritual reality.
One solid way to move forward in healing and belonging is through introspection and self-healing. In trying to have others fit into our paradigm, we are saying we are not comfortable enough in our own skin to allow you to be comfortable with how you live your life. If we do not address what we find uncomfortable about ourselves, in not doing the introspection and shadow work, we make everything outside ourselves responsible for feeling comfortable. This is the work we need to do to shift “from seeing life as happening to us to a life that is happening for us – and then the more we work and heal, we see things as life happening through us.” (The Art of Quantum Living Coaching Manual)
One method that I have used and am a proud coach of to move into this awareness for ourselves is the Art of Quantum Living, researched and developed by Drs. Revs. Gary and Jane Simmons.
The Art of Quantum Living was “created with an understanding of adult developmental theory and is primarily geared toward assisting those who desire to move beyond accepted levels of adult functionality within Western culture. The Art of Quantum Living is for those who can see they bear some responsibility for their life circumstances. It is not particularly effective for those who do not yet have a sense of being the “architect” or “author” of their own life. Further, individuals must have cognitively developed enough to reason about abstract concepts before they can enter into a conscious practice of developing themselves in the psycho-spiritual realm.” (The Art of Quantum Living Coaching Manual)
In a nutshell, these people first said, “Ya know, killing a person because one finds it joyful, or because there was a perceived wrong done, or there is a feeling that an external entity wants a sacrifice isn't good. – Why is this a thing in the first place?” In being the first to start offering a way different from what one has done in the past, there is often a backlash, usually a loud one.
Perhaps human sacrifices have been carried out monthly for the last 150 years. Maybe no one knew how it started, but many individuals voiced their thoughts against such a practice. Slowly, these people could move into positions of power, create sanctions and laws against sacrifices, and show the comm