In the Unity tradition, Denials and Affirmations are the foundation of healing. When we notice something we do not like about ourselves, we deny that aspect and affirm the element we would like to replace it.
The overriding premise is that if we say we are not angry, deny that we are, and replace it with an affirmation of "all life is light and love," the anger fades and dissolves.
We know today that recognizing something – a need or a feeling to deny something about ourselves is the first step in the healing process.
In tradition, in aspects of healing, in the Unity movement, there is a recognition of constant movement. There is an understanding that when we know more and realize more, it is time to refine and grow our practices to meet the new experience.
This is healing. It is the healing of community, the healing of understanding, and the healing of our individual natures.
When we are angry, fearful, or feel that we are in a corner and the whole world is against us, this is the moment when we can use the feeling and the need for denial as a springboard for true healing and integration of what we have learned from that healing process.
When we say we deny any recognition of an outside force of evil's ability to harm us in any way, that is awesome. It is not an outside force. It is an internal one—a human one. It is a chance to recognize how humanity perceives and interprets the internal and external world.
In today's language, we call this working with our shadow. It is bringing the shadow into the light, not denying that it exists in the first place.
The power of words is the power of the intertwining and the resonance of the words/the thoughts with the feelings. When we train ourselves to be in the space of love and healing, the heart and the head are engaged to create the necessary effects for a new pattern within ourselves to emerge. It is not in suppressing the pattern in ourselves we want to heal; it is in bringing it to the surface. Sitting in the uncomfortable nature of what is happening and being willing to see inside of it, sitting in the middle of it, and understanding where that feeling we want to deny is a part of us, even coming from.
My first son was born three days shy of my 22nd birthday. I had such complications from his birth, including an unscheduled Cesarean that would become infected and take me back to the hospital, that I was very emotional and fragile for quite some time. My birth family, especially my father, had been very keen on never showing up when you were in discomfort. When my parents came to visit shortly after I came home from the hospital a second time, I found myself alone in the room with my father. He asked me why I named the baby what I had called him. His first name was in honor of the baby brother I never met, for he died less than an hour after he was born, and for my uncle, who meant the world to me and had died while I was pregnant. I started to cry. My father immediately told me to straighten up and not let my mother see me crying. Essentially, to deny that I was feeling grief, weak, vulnerable, fearful, and very, very tired. I had to affirm that I knew all was well. For many years, I consciously made every effort not to allow any uncomfortable or difficult emotion to be visibly present or even acknowledged by myself.
I can imagine what is happening for you as you hear me recount this story. You may believe my father is relatively insensitive and even boarding on awful for his comments and lack of compassion. You may think that denying totally that hard feelings are part of any human experience is necessary to be and do good. You may be a group of people that want to ask me what I thought I was being taught going through what I went through or even to believe that I must have made some type of contract to go through what I did. In that case, the only feeling I should have is gratitude that I was able to learn something.
What I understand now is that my father was denying his own feelings as much as he was instructing me to deny my own.
There is a joke about Generation X that we were told to suck it up and get over it, and that is partly why we are the way we are today. That really isn't a joke. It is very accurate. When we suck it up and get over it, when we totally deny what our humanity is shouting at us, what our actual experience at the moment is, we set ourselves up for emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual illness. We set ourselves up to stunt our growth and our unfoldment.
"No person or thing in the universe, no chain of circumstances, can by any possibility interpose itself between you and all joy - all good. You may think something stands between you and your heart's desire, so live with that desire unfulfilled, but it is not true. This 'thing' is the bugaboo under the bed with no reality. Deny it, deny it, and you will find yourself free and realize this was all false. Then you will see the good flowing into you, and you will see clearly that nothing can stand between you and your own" Lessons in Truth: Cady Lessons in Truth: Lesson 4. https://sacred-texts.com/nth/unity/lit/lit05.htm.
The above statement was written in 1896. This realization was brilliant in 1896: recognizing that we oversee our healing and outlook. We only started understanding what denials told our psyche and humanity until Carl Young adopted this notion in the 1920s.
When HeartMath was founded in 1991 by Doc Childre, a system of practical, scientifically based tools and technologies was developed to bridge the intuitive connection between heart and mind and deepen our connection with the hearts of others. This research lent some natural scientific weight to Carl Young. Resilience Training. https://stressfreezone.com/resilience
IN 2006, Ken Wilber published Integral Spirituality, giving us the 3-2-1 process of Shadow Work.
In 2010, Drs Gary and Jane Simmons first published their work and research penned the Quantum Living Process, which takes the best of the spiritual understanding dating back to 1896 and brings it into a tangible working process for us today to work intelligently with those items in ourselves that we would like to deny totally.
This is beyond the danger zone of the spiritual bypassing realm of denials into the healing and integration of what we want to deny about ourselves.
In the Quantum Living Process, these items are called triggers.
I prefer the word activation. What is activated within our human psyche that we recognize doesn't align with our Spiritual Selves.
"Bringing the shadow into the light begins with compassion and gratitude to our disowned and repressed aspects. It begins with acknowledging that we have had difficult experiences, but the myths, messages, and beliefs that were created are not the truth of us. We may have the belief I am unworthy, but we are not that belief. Getting some distance from the shadow aspect of ourselves is an important step in healing. It allows us to place our focus on our Self while at the same time not shrinking from the shadow we discovered." – The Art of Quantum Living Coaches Manual page 234.
In being activated. Recognizing that we are angry, fearful, spiteful, judgmental, etc. We recognize something in us that may be within this shadow area of our psyche. In 1896, it was a forward understanding to learn that we did not need to buy into these emotions or become them. Denying them, suppressing them, ignoring them seemed like the answer. And it was a step in the right direction. Today, we understand how much of our physical nature is mixed with our memories and emotions. Each time we work around a feeling, deny its existence, or suppress it in any way, our body remembers. Our bodies try to keep us safe from emotions, thoughts, and situations we have told are harmful to us in some way.
For years and years, I thought I was claustrophobic. I was told it runs in the family, so I would panic in certain situations. I started to be aware over time, and through doing healing work with my own shadow self, that the places I had the most panic/anxiety and had to remove myself from the situation were places like hospitals, long-term care facilities, funeral homes, and crowds where I did not have an anchor of a person that I knew near me. I already pointed out that I grew up in a home where stoicism was the way. No one needed to be privy to your internal discomfort, sorrow, and even sometimes your joy.
When I was very young, my grandfather had a heart attack and was in the hospital. We went to see him, and my grandmother was crying, and my grandfather did not look well at all. I remember starting to cry in the hallway and my mother telling me there was no reason to be crying like I was. Instead of mingling, I often stayed in the back of the room at funeral homes. Then, I could control my discomfort and grief, even as a young child. These places, where I was told my discomfort and needing to leave were based anywhere from claustrophobic to the smells within the buildings, I discovered were places of lots and lots of emotions. There was grief, fear, and anger over all the situations. I was not immune to feeling those things, yet I had denied and suppressed those types of feelings in such a way that my body tried desperately to keep me from situations where those uncomfortable feelings may come to the surface. I went into anxiety and panic mode, and I had a legitimate reason to remove myself from the situation. I had a legitimate reason not to feel those feelings and return to smiling sunshine and kittens.
I had to take all those things I denied. Had to take all those things I repressed and bring them to the surface. I had to look inside the time capsules of events that made me feel like I was doing things wrong if I felt a certain way. I had to look at the instances where I thought I was not enough and couldn't handle life because I removed myself from situations where I was panicking and overwhelmed with anxiety. I had to forgive myself for thinking I was somehow doing life wrong when I wanted to have a moment where I punched a pillow or raised my voice to another. I had to learn how to let myself feel. Feel everything.
Also, it allows me to know that every little thing that floats through my head isn't going to happen or mean that I am a terrible person. It means that I am human. I am human with a mind that runs rapidly and makes up stories. It is only the ones that I pay any attention to that will catch any momentum. I had to look at all those moments from my perspective and then at the perception of those around me as much as possible. This is part of the 3-2-1 method. When we recognize multiple perspectives, it is easier to see that our reaction tells us something about ourselves, how we interpret our world, and how we feel about ourselves.
I have learned by looking at all perspectives that my parents were less comfortable and grew up in families with limits on what was acceptable regarding expression. I knew that there was a strong belief that expressive children were somehow inappropriate and meant that the parents did not have control of their children. That realization allowed me to feel compassion for the adults uncomfortable with my emotions. I understood why I took on that coping mechanism for myself and why I deemed myself less if I could not deny that I really wanted someone to fly off a building when I was upset.
Now, none of this means that the Fillmore teachings are wrong. We may not always understand the healing work that needs to be done and let go of the old.
"It is just as necessary that one should let go of old thoughts and conditions after they have served their purpose as it is that one should lay hold of new ideas and create new conditions to meet one's requirements. In fact, we cannot lay hold of the new ideas and make the new conditions until we have made room for them by eliminating the old." (Charles Fillmore Prosperity 175)
"It is found that, by using these mind forces, man can dissolve things by denying their existence and that he can build them up by affirming their presence. This is a simple statement, but when it is applied in all the intricate thought forms of the universe it becomes complex. The law of mental denial and affirmation will prove its truth to all those who persistently make use of it." (Charles Fillmore Christian Healing 51)
"Denial and affirmation are the two great expressions of polarized energy in the life. Both are essential. Both serve us in our efforts to evolve consciousness in obedience to spiritual law. Denial is the ability to let go of the old, the outworn, the negative attitude, the incorrect belief. It is also the ability to refuse to reject. It is the great "nay, nay" saying power of mind. Affirmation is the ability to accept the newer, the truer, the higher, the more correct attitude and belief. It is also the ability to say yes and accept better concepts of divine ideas. It is the great "yea, yea" power of mind." Unity Metaphysics: 18 Denials and Affirmations | Truth Unity. https://www.truthunity.net/books/unity-metaphysics-tan-book1-18-denials-and-affirmations
Denials are when we understand that our system, emotions, thoughts, and body reactions point to something we need to spend some time with. One way we may do that is the Art of Quantum Living; another is 3-2-1 Shadow work. We let go and deny the false beliefs we have held about ourselves. In the examples I gave about myself, I learned that I believed I was not enough and incapable since uncomfortable feelings would surface. I could see those instances in another light and deconstruct the story I told myself from the reactions of people around me when I was uncomfortable and upset. I found that my negative attitude was not to be denied, but the story I had told myself about my self-worth around the so-called negative attitude.
I love the pioneers of the New Thought time of our human story. People like the Fillmores and Cady were pioneers of thinking, reasoning, healing, and their fearlessness of sharing with others. They took antiquated concepts learned and helped from the Abrahamic traditions and shed light on them in a way that helped many remove themselves from perceived victimhood of forces they deemed greater than themselves.
Several generations later, we are in a unique position to shine a light on what we have learned and can grow into at the present time. We can use the tools of psychology, biology, philosophers, researchers, healers, and our own innate connection to the Spirit to bring the idea of denials into how they are the forerunners of shadow work and shadow work is a necessary part of self-healing, self-growth and the integration of what we have learned back into our essence. This integration is a part of navigating a future very humanly, using our Spiritual Natures to navigate and understand.
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